What? I have a blog?

Yeah so I know, I know, I've been gone for a while. Lots has happened in the past few months. I was laid off from my horrendous job, went on vacation and then got a new job. I job that I love so much. It's like it was made especially for me. I love my manager and the people I work with. I think I can really go far and feel appreciated for a job well done.

In other news... I'm sitting here crying the ugly cry for some unknown reason. I really miss my mom and tonight it really hit home. Maybe it's because I have like NO local friends. I work, I cook supper, clean up and then go to bed. I'm lame to all degrees of lame but it's what I need to do to make it through my work day. Ugh I dunno and once again my post is a depressed bore fest. Blergh.

Grace in Small Things: 19 of 365

1. That I can take a few months off doing GiST and it's still ok.

2. Friends that email you offering to put a hex on mean coworkers.

3. Finding the definition of my name on Urban Dictionary and laughing instead of taking offence.

4. Wendy's salads for lunch.

5. Stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number.

It's not over yet

The boy managed to miss the layoffs this week, they skipped his department. However he was told that his department would be dealt with next week. I don't know how people go through this. I don't know how people survive.

To those of you who have commented and messaged me, thank you so much. You have no idea how much they have helped me. When I have more energy I will write you back, I swear.

Quiet

Big layoffs are planned for the boy's company tomorrow and I have every finger and toe crossed that they skip him. Sorry but I am going to remain quiet tonight and pray to every God I can that it doesn't happen.

Just Breathe

Scents have a huge part in the mood that I am feeling. I love crisp citris scents that cut through the muggy air that the house always gets in the winter when it's too cold to open a window. The fresh smell of lemon and green tea that reminds me of spring, mango and satsuma that brings me to a warmer place and vanilla spice that makes me feel cozy and warm.

I have started to put these various scents around my house to keep me smiling and so far today it's working. Lemon and green tea in the bedroom, satsuma in the kitchen and living room. Sitting here at my kitchen table and taking a deep breath of satsuma thinking maybe, just maybe everything will turn out.

Now if only I could take these to work, maybe I wouldn't hate it so much.

My life lately

My life lately. Well my life lately has been one big ball of depression. Work has been difficult to the point of me considering getting a job somewhere else. The only thing stopping me is the lack of jobs available and the huge amount of guilt that I would be taking the job away from someone who really needs it. I am lucky that I currently have a job so I don’t need a new one.

Another part of my depression is my weight. I have ballooned to epic proportions and I can’t stand it. I’m ashamed at what I see in the mirror. I have started eating better and I have gone to the gym twice in the past 4 days and the other 2 days I had sports so hopefully I can start on the road of correcting it. There is a tv show here in Canada called X-Weighted that I would love to apply for but they are only accepting family applications this season. It is a show that follows a person’s journey over a 6 month period with their weight loss. They have some experts that come to your house and help you change your eating, exercising and most importantly self esteem. I think I could seriously benefit from it. Maybe they would accept the boy and I applying as a family? I should see.

Counselling was amazing while I was going. The downside is that I can no longer afford to see her. It is $110 per hour out of pocket that I just don’t have right now. Every day I try to make sure I follow the rules and guidelines we discussed and I can see a difference. Once I pay down some of the massive debt that I have I will go back to see her.

Geez this sure ended up being quite the downer of a post. Sorry next time I will try and make it a happier post.

Random Rumblings at 1135pm

So I just got home from soccer, scored a goal. Game winning goal actually. Felt nice. I will elaborate more tomorrow when my eyes are actually open and thoughts flow properly through my brain.

Night, night everyone.