My dearest baby boy. I picked your paw print up from the vet today. I cried so hard when I touched it in my hands. I ran my fingers around the outline and held it close as I sobbed in the car. I miss you so much still. I miss your cuddles and kisses and your soft fur against my face. You would be so proud of me Sylvester. I donated your ashes to the farmers in the area so every spring when I see the flowers bloom I can think of you and know that you are a part of those flowers. You are part of the earth that I built my first house. I will cherish this forever.
Love, Mama
I still have his blanket that he slept on every single day. I used it to set his paw print on to take the picture. I curl up with it every night and it will go with me wherever my life takes me.
I just finished eating way too many wings (weight loss? what weight loss?) and realized that I have not posted yet today. Being too lazy (see blog title) to actually write anything I've decided to let you know that it snowed here today in Airdrie. A whole shit tonne. Winter has arrived, well at least until tomorrow when they are forecasting a high of 12 degrees Celsius. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to run outside and make a snow angel before the snow melts.
I went to Sephora today on the advice of Slynnro and picked up some stuff. I think I got a little carried away but really you can't ever have too much makeup.
I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I bought $116 worth of nothing at Shopper's Drugmart on my lunch break. The sandwich lady at Safeway can grow a brain and I need to learn to not go to soccer games that start at 1030pm.
I just had a phone reading with a psychic who came heavily recommended from a friend of mine. I'm afraid to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it but I will let you know after Christmas if it was worth the $80 I paid for it.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy or if everyone feels the same way I do.I wonder if I go to a therapist that they will laugh at me and tell me I’m not crazy enough or that I’m too crazy to be fixed easily.I wonder if my boyfriend thinks he is dating a nutcase or if every relationship has these same issues.I wonder if my mood swings are just PMS or my craziness coming through.I worry that I’m not normal, that people will look at me and wonder why I act the way I do.I wish I could sit everyone down and let them know why I am the way I am.
My birth father wants nothing to do with me unless he is drunk.Even then it’s only about once a year that I hear from him, if you count a mass forward email as contact.He talks to my sisters frequently; they receive gifts from him where I only receive a card.I have a step father but it’s not the same.A girl needs a father to teach her about boys and sports and healthy male relationships.I’m so afraid that every male in my life is going to leave me at some point that I constantly test them.I try and see how far I can push them before they leave me like everyone else.I have a crazy idea that once I’m married I will be safe.That is the true test of if someone loves me honestly or not.If they are willing to make the commitment of the rest of their life to me then they won’t go anywhere.I find myself pushing the idea across, trying to explain why he should just propose if he wants to be with me.What difference would it make?
I need to relax. I need to realize that when someone tells me they love me that they honestly do.I have no trust anymore.I have been hurt so badly by someone close to me, someone who told me they loved me and would never leave.Someone who took that trust and broke it so many times I lost count.I started to hate the world and the people who would let someone treat me like that.My mind and my heart were so pure before he came along, I was forever different afterwards.I found that even my personality changed, I became cold and hurtful.I started to use words to make people feel the pain that I felt.I would lose my temper and say things that I never thought I would ever say to a person.The word hate became common in my vocabulary, so common that people started to ignore it. I just get so mad and frustrated that no other word seems to fit.
I hate the person that I have become.I hate the way I feel and think.I hate that I’m not right and everything is wrong.I hate the way I look and feel.I hate that this post is making me cry.I hate that I worry about what people will think of me instead of what I can do to change it.
I love that I know people who will give me a chance to prove this all wrong.
I have no motivation lately. I think up posts while I'm at work but as soon as I get home I have no energy to write it. I need to solve this problem soon or this whole NaBloPoMo will get pointless.
Just finished my spinning class. My face is as red as my hair. I'm off to lounge on the couch and thinking of going to bed early as I am one of those lame people who has to work tomorrow.
Hi it's Sunday, we know what that means. I am praying to my NFL god that my Colts break out the win against those darn Steelers. Be back after this scheduled tv program.
Well I've already crapped the bed with NaBloPoMo and the 30 posts in thirty days. Last night I had dodgeball (I'm in a league) at 6:30pm which meant I had to leave the house by 6pm. Then after dodgeball I went for some food with the team and didn't get home until 9:45pm. I had every intention of sitting down and writing a post but I decided to sit on the couch for a minute first. Yeah so we know how that ended. I woke up at 1:30am and went to bed not even realizing I had missed the deadline. Ah well, I'll still try to finish the month and hopefully get some more interesting posts. Man I'm boring.
I love Coronation Street. LOVE. I wake up early every Sunday morning just to watch my show from 730am until 10am without interruption. I make myself a cup of tea (or 5) and curl up to become part of that amazing story. Also guaranteed that every Sunday after finishing my show I get an intense craving for pub food. Bangers and mash mostly or a lovely meat pie. Man I need to get myself to England.
I would post something great and important here today but today is the most important day of the week. A day where I take a seat and worship something amazing. I worship my glorious God named NFL. What, were you thinking something else? I know I am Canadian but I just can't help myself. I can't stand CFL but I go crazy if I miss Sunday morning countdown on ESPN. Oh Keyshaun how I love thee. Anyway.... I'm off to watch more football. Happy Sunday!!
So day 1 of NaBloPoMo is here and I'm feeling a bit nervous. I don't have huge expectations about getting a bunch of traffic but I still worry that I will end up being the boring one that people avoid. I worry too much.
Today I picked up my brand new camera. I am the proud new owner of the Canon Rebel XT, it was on a serious sale and I figured that anything I could do to help the economy is a plus! I'm really excited to start taking some pictures with it and trying it out. I just want the battery to be charged already so I can get started playing around with it.
Wow this post is boring. I will try to get better at this! 1 down and 29 more to go.
